i jhust puked up my retainher.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
