So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
