He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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