3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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