Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i barfeds in our rink
please come you make the beer taste better
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
