dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
