I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
