So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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