They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
jump out the window naked night went bad
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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