I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have already put on my inside pants.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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