If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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