My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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