Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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