You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have aggressive nipples.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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