when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
my shit smells like andre
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
