The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
