Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
