I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
