just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Drunk is not a location!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
