You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
