first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
