WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
