it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
