whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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