a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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