Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
