I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You are a genius and a whore.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
