I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
