i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
