If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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