I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
