R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
