tell your sister to shave her snatch
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
