I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
