What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
