Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
