I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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