i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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