bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
