I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
