The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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