saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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