community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
