my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
this boner is exhausting
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
