Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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