there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
