I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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