around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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