this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
