I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
