An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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